How to be Nice!

You've been told to be nice since you were a child, but what exactly does it mean to not be mean? "Nice" is a vague term to put it. If your parents never gave you the break-down, here it is.

Smile.

A smile will let people know that you are pleasant and inviting. If you smile at someone, look them in the eye. For the most part, if you smile at someone, they won't do anything but smile back. If they don't, then maybe they are just having a bad day. It is up to you to set the mood of the encounter. Make it happy by being the first to smile. Normally, making faces or moody looks at someone is not nice.

Say hello.

When you're walking past someone, even a stranger, try to acknowledge their presence with simple "hello" or "hi" or even just a wave or a nod in their direction.
Ask people how they are doing. Take the time to ask someone how things are going in their lives, without being nosy or intrusive. If they seem resistant to talking, just let them know that you're always around to talk to, and that you want them to be alright.

Be a good listener. Listen when other people are talking to you. It isn't nice to just ignore other peoples' opinions and stories. If you find that someone is becoming rude or pushy, acknowledge their opinion, issue a compliment ("Having your own set of values and beliefs is pretty admirable") and excuse yourself politely ("I'm sorry, I've got to go get the groceries so I can meet my husband/wife when they get home.").
Be courteous. Always say "please," "thank you" and "you're welcome." You can also address people by sir or ma'am, depending on the occasion. Be patient, observant, and considerate. Treat people with respect. Even if you don't particularly like someone at first, they could end up being a really interesting and kind person.

Don't forget "Excuse me" instead of "MOVE!".

Remember: People aren't dogs or the ground you spit on.

Be positive. Don't be negative or critical. Keep looking for the positive in any given situation.Cheer them up.
Be humble. The key to being nice is remembering that you are not "better" than someone else. You're an individual, but everybody has their struggles, and being nice to one another makes life better for everyone.
Offer to help. If you see someone struggling or doing anything, offer to help, even doing something as simple as carrying a bag of groceries, or hold the door for someone. You can also be nice to the community and the world by volunteering.
Be sincere. Don't be nice as a means to an end. If you just want to be nice so that you can gain preferential treatment, it's quite the opposite of being nice-it's deceptive, shallow and cruel.

Be nice because you want to look back on your life and know that you were a nice person, no matter what.

He who angers you conquers you.

Blended LOVE/Families...step

GUIDELINES FOR STEPFAMILIES
It is very helpful if a stepfamily can start out in neutral territory like moving into their own house or apartment.

*Avoid moving into one of the spouses homes if it was the biological families home first.
*Get in the habit of having a weekly family meeting. Allow each member of the family to speak freely on issues.

*Use the family meetings to plan vacations and fun.

*Accept influence from the children and give them a feeling of control by allowing them some say so in family decisions.
*A healthy couple relationship is a must for a stepfamily to exist.

***The couple's relationship should come first with the children a very close second.***

*A strong adult relationship can protect the children from another family loss and it can provide the children with a positive model of what a good marriage looks like.
Have realistic expectations.

The expectation of "instant love" between stepparents and stepchildren can lead to disappointment and many difficulties.

*Let the relationships develop slowly over time.

*Don't force relationships.

*Allow them to evolve with patience and understanding.
*Understand that there will be loyalty issues.

*Since children are part of two biological parents, they usually have very strong pulls to both of their natural parents.

*These divided loyalties make is difficult for children to relate comfortably to all of the parental adults in their lives.

*Understand that rejection of a stepparent might not have anything to do with the personal characteristics of the stepparent.

*As the children and adults learn that they can care for more that two parental adults, then the loyalty issues and conflicts can diminish and the step-relationships can improve.
*Work at not getting the children caught in the middle of ex-spouses issues.

*Do your best to maintain a courteous relationship for the well-being of the children.
*Create new family patterns and traditions.
*Show respect for your stepchildren. Let the biological parent do most of the discipline until the stepchild feels comfortable with your parental role.
*If your family includes "visiting" children understand that they usually feel strange and like outsiders in your neighborhood.

*It helps if they can have their own space in your home.

This can be a drawer or shelf for their personal possessions that no one else has.

Some place or space that is all their own is very helpful.
Include the "visiting" stepchildren in family chores and projects.

They will feel more connected to the group in this way.

Allow them to bring a friend with them occasionally to visit to help with the adjustment.
Because stepfamilies are born of loss, a mixture of feelings can show their selves quite often. These feelings include jealousy, rejection, guilt, anger, frustration, hurt and disappointment.

Seek understanding when these feelings arise.

Allow them to surface and release.

Empathize as much as possible.

Try to walk in their shoes and feel their feelings.
Children have a family history that can cause conflict in trying to blend together as a stepfamily. Develop new ways of coming together as a family and new traditions that are just the stepfamilies.
As a stepparent don't try to compete with the biological parent.

Instead work on creating a friendship built on

Attitude is EVERYTHING

Rather than whining because we don't have certain things in our lives or because we think something is wrong, we should take positive action. Here are four steps for turning WHINING into THANKSGIVING.......

GIVE SOMETHING AWAY

When you give, you create both a physical and mental space for something new and better to come into your life..

NARROW YOUR GOALS

Don't expect everything good to come into your life all at once. When you focus your expectations toward specific, attainable goals, you are more apt to direct your time and energy toward reaching them...

change your vocabulary from

"I NEED" to "I WANT".

Most of the things we think we need are actually things we want. When you recieve them, you will be thankful for even small luxuries, rather than seeing them as necessities you can't live without...

CHOOSE TO BE THANKFUL FOR WHAT YOU ALREADY HAVE

THANKSGIVING IS A CHOICE.

EVERYONE OF US HAS MORE THINGS TO BE THANKFUL FOR THAN WE COULD EVEN BEGIN TO RECOUNT IN A SINGLE DAY...

Each time you catch yourself whining, apply one or more of these steps to the situation. As you put them into practice, you will find yourself whining less and THANKING GOD more.

LIVING A LIFE OF

GRATITUDE AND THANKSGIVING

TO GOD

IS THE BEST ANTIDOTE FOR STRESS......

Do ALL THINGS without complaining and disputing.. Philippians 2:14

Depressions Busters #4

Predict Your Weak Spots

When I quit smoking, it was helpful to identify the danger zones--those times I most enjoying firing up lung rockets: in the morning with my java, in the afternoon with my java, in the car (if you've been my passenger you know why), and in the evening with my java and a Twix bar.
I jotted these times down in my "dysfunction journal" with suggestions of activities to replace the smokes: In the morning I began eating eggs and grapefruit, which don't blend well with cigs. I bought a tape to listen to in the car. An afternoon walk replaced the 3:00 smoke break. And I tried to read at night, which didn't happen (eating chocolate is more soothing).

Any addict would benefit from a long list of "distractions," activities than can take her mind off of a cig, a glass of Merlot, or a suicidal plot (during a severe depression).

Some good ones:

crossword puzzles,

novels,

Sudoku,

e-mails,

reading Beyond Blue (a must!);

walking the dog (pets are wonderful "buddies" and can improve mental health),

card games,

movies,

"American Idol" (as long as you don't make fun of the contestants...bad for your depression, as it attracts bad karma);

sports,

de-cluttering the house (cleaning out a drawer, a file, or the garage...or just stuffing it with more stuff);

crafts;

gardening (even pulling weeds, which you can visualize as the marketing director that you hate working with);

exercise;

nature (just sitting by the water);

and music (even Yanni works, but I'd go classical).

Depressions Busters #3

Be Accountable to Someone

In the professional world, what is the strongest motivator for peak performance?

The annual review (or notification of the pink slip). Twelve-step groups use this method

--called accountability--

to keep people sober and on the recovery wagon.

Everyone has a sponsor, a mentor to teach them the program, to guide them toward physical, mental, and spiritual health.
Today several people together serve as my emotional "sponsor," keeping me accountable for my actions:

Having these folks around to divulge my misdeeds to is like confession--it keeps the list of sins from getting too long.

Depression Busters #2

Books can be buddies too! And when you are afraid of imposing on others like I am, they serve as wonderful reminders to stay on course. When I'm in a weak spot, especially with regard to addictive temptations, I place a book next to my addiction object: the Big Book (the Bible) goes next to the liquor cabinet; some 12-step pamphlet gets clipped to the freezer (home to frozen Kit Kats, Twix, and dark chocolate Hershey bars); and I'll get out Melody Beattie before e-mailing an apology to someone who just screwed me over.

Depressions Busters #1

A toolbox of ways to overcome everyday emotional struggles and find peace.

By Therese J. Borchard

My therapist helped me to build a personalized "toolbox":

a list of a dozen depression busters to direct me toward mental health, and an emergency lifeline in case I get lost along the way. I consult these techniques when I panic, when I get pulled into addictive behaviors, and as armor in my ongoing war against negative thoughts.

Here they are: strategies to take us all to the promised land of recovery from depression.

It works for Girl Scouts, depressives, and addicts of all kinds. I remember having to wake up my buddy to go pee in the middle of the night at Girl Scout camp. That was right before she rolled off her cot, out of the tent and down the hill, almost into the creek.
Our job as buddies is to help each other not roll out of the tent and into the stream, and to keep each other safe during midnight bathroom runs. My buddies are the six numbers programmed into my cell phone, the voices that remind me sometimes as many as five times a day:

"Everything will be OK."

Your significant other, should be your buddy...your in this together...no-one else will make you happier, work together, communicate, build YOUR DREAMS with your buddy, Best Friend....be there for that person, encourage, support, listen and love them...like you would like to be loved?...

How to Pray for Barack Obama

How to Pray for Barack Obama

By Max Lucado

Many challenges await our new president.

The times are turbulent and the economy is in jeopardy.

With a little divine help... I can only speculate as to what awaits President-elect Barack Obama. Nations in conflict. How can leaders lead during these days of bailouts and bombings?
Only with God's help.

Ask God to bless Barack Obama and his family.

He needs our prayers.

And it's our privilege to pray for him.
The Bible says,

"Pray for rulers and for all who have authority so that we can have quiet and peaceful lives full of worship and respect for God"

(1 Timothy 2:2).

Almighty God, keep watch over the Obama family. As scripture says,

"keep them safe from the evil one" (John 17:15).

God, please grant insight and foresight to the President.

Lord, bestow humility upon our leaders and their office and his staff.

Bless President Obama with endurance and stamina.

~amen

Only the STRONG

~Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended: but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead

~Philippians 3:13

Many people are good starters but poor finishers. When things start getting tough, they listen to the little imp on their shoulder who whispers, "You can't do it" and "You'll never make it." Others don't even start.

While doing something requires risk, so does doing nothing. The risk of action may be failure, but the risks of a failure to act can be stagnation, dissatisfaction, and frustration.

The story of the covered wagon crossing the plains toward the Golden West began with a song:

The Coward never started:

The Weak died on the way:

ONLY the STRONG CAME THROUGH!

That's the way it is in life. Being STRONG does not refer only to physical strength- a spirit made powerful by a close relationship with GOD. He gives us the will to succeed, dreaming that will not die, and wisdom and courage to finish what you've began...*************

Step by step, little by little, bit by bit-that is the way to wealth, that is the way to wisdom, that is the way to glory.

T.D. Jakes/Daily Devotion 2009

therapy

Better relationship

A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed.

"Doc, you've got to help me.

I can't go on like this."

"What's the problem?"

the docotor inquired.

"Well, I'm 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies.

No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away."

"My friend, this is not a serious problem.

You just need to work on your self-esteem.

Each morning, I want you to get up and run to the bathroom mirror.

Tell yourself that

you are a good person,

a fun person,

and an attractive person.

But say it with real conviction.

Within a week you'll have women buzzing all around you."

The man seemed content with this advice and walked out of the office a bit excited.

Three weeks later he returned with the same downtrodden expression on his face.

"Did my advice not work?" asked the doctor."It worked alright.

For the past several weeks I've enjoyed some of the best moments in my life with the most fabulous looking women."

"So, what's your problem?" "I don't have a problem," the man replied.

"My wife does."

Low self-esteem

A guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist.

He went there, lay on the couch, spilled his guts then waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make him feel better.

The psychiatrist asked me a few questions, took some notes then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face.

Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight and said,

"Um, I think your problem is low self-esteem.

It is very common among losers."

Loud, mad, or sad

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.

speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked,

"How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"

A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered,

"A basketball coach?"

i don't understand why everyone wants to "go away"...

I can't wait to "get home"