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Great Parenting...#5

Priority 5:

Community

By: Dennis Rainey

We have become increasingly convinced and alarmed that one of the most damaging changes that has occurred in recent years is the loss of community in raising our children.

We used to look out for the children of others far more than we do now.
This type of involvement is rare today.

In our age of tolerance, we have developed the philosophy that we have no right to tell another parent about a concern we have about his child. And our children suffer from our failure to be involved in the lives of others.
We’ve learned through experience how much we need the help of others to monitor and correct our children.

Friends, true friends, have cared enough to courageously call and express a concern about something they’ve seen one of our children doing that they know we wouldn’t approve of.

Those are tough phone calls to make.

And tough to receive.

But in each and every case we’ve seen God use these circumstances to help us keep a child out of a threatening trap.
There is a natural community that we need to do a better job of tapping into for our children’s accountability.

It’s your church and mine. Certainly this group of folks ought to have the right perspective on the value and worth our children possess.

We are in this thing together, and that should pertain especially to raising the generation that is the future of the church.

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Great Parenting...#4

Priority 4: Training

By: Dennis Rainey
The best parenting is proactive, not reactive.

The reactive parent stays in a defensive posture, continually reacting to a child’s mistakes.

A proactive parent goes on the offensive and does what is necessary to become the child’s trainer.

Effective training involves at least three parts.
First, parents need to see clearly the goal.

They need to know what they are trying to achieve in their child’s life.

Second, effective training involves repetition.

A Green Beret once told me, “As Green Berets, we train to learn what to do in every conceivable circumstance—over and over and over again.

Then in times of battle we know what to do. It’s just second nature to us.”
That is a picture of what we parents should do.

We train our children and instruct them in making the right choices in the circumstances they will face.

And we do it over and over, until it becomes second nature to them.
Finally, training involves accountability.

One of the major mistakes parents make is giving our children too much freedom without appropriate oversight.

This is especially true if a family has more than two children.

We tend to over-control our firstborn child and release the younger children prematurely.
My mom was the master at accountability during my teenage years.

She demanded to know where I was and what I was doing. I can still hear her saying,

“Where are you going?

Who will be there?

What time will you be home?”

And my dad was right in there with her.

The first night that I was allowed to go out in the car he wrote down the mileage on the speedometer and gave me a five-mile maximum limit.

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Great Parenting...#3

Priority 3.

Involvement

by: Dennis Rainey
We are not suggesting that you become the ultimate
soccer mom.

That’s not bad—being there at all of your
child’s activities—but involvement means much more than
driving the carpool and never missing a dance recital.
Involvement means crawling inside your child’s head and
heart.

Involvement is moving from the outside to the
interior of a child's life.
Involvement means diving into the turbulent currents
caused by emotions—

the child’s and the parent’s. Soul to
soul.

Heart to heart.

*******************************************

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God gave me you...

Always kiss your children goodnight - even if they're already asleep.

~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

To bring up a child in the way

he should go, travel that wayyourself once in a while.

~Josh Billings

Your children need your presence more than your presents. ~Jesse Jackson

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Great Parenting...#2

Priority 2: Standards

By:Dennis Rainey
If you think about it, there are dozens of things you will
teach your children over the years.

When Barbara and I
began parenting, we began developing a list that
eventually became 40 Things We Want to Teach our
Children.

And from this list you develop standards--how
you want your children to treat each other, how they will
respect you s their parents, etc.
Many parents haven't talked clearly about these
standards.

If you have teenagers, for example, have you
and your spouse talked about dating, driving, jobs,
grades, curfews, friends, and after-school activities?
The list seems endless at times.

We promise this:

If you
don’t nail down your own convictions ahead of time, your
teenager and his peer group will establish their own!

If
you have not agreed as a couple upon guidelines (specific
boundaries and standards for your child during pre-teen
and teen years), your child will soon hit you with the
divide-and-conquer strategy.

Children are experts on
whether dad or mom is the easy touch on certain issues.

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Great Parenting... #1

Seven Priorities for Great Parenting

Dennis and Barbara Rainey
Priority 1: Prayer
This one probably does not surprise you.

Pray regularly.

Bring every concern, dream, and desire about your child to God in fervent, persistent prayer. (Luke 18:1–8contains a great parable on persistent prayer that must have been for parents of teenagers.)

Two of the best times to pray with your child are on the way to school (assuming you drive him) and at bedtime—regardless of age.

Now that our teenagers drive themselves to school, we use breakfast for this prayer time.
Bedtime prayers can be more personal for each child.

Pray for his future mate, relationships, activities, challenges, temptations, and heart for God. Don’t assume that a teenager is too big for you to kneel beside his bed and stroke his face and pray.
Pray offensively.

Before and after your child hits adolescence, pray for his peer group—that he will have at least one strong Christian buddy for the teenage years.

Ask God to protect your child daily from others who would be an evil influence.

Also consider asking God to help you spot your child doing things right so that you can encourage him in making right choices.
Pray defensively.

On more than one occasion we have sought the Lord’s help in removing a friend of questionable character from a child’s life.

From time to time we have felt that one of our teens might be deceiving us, but we could never be absolutely certain.

In those situations we have asked God to help us catch him if he’s doing something wrong.

God seems to feel sorry for parents who pray this prayer! Pray when God brings your child to your mind.

It may be at that very moment, your child is facing a circumstance of critical importance.
Pray with your child. It’s easy for prayer to become an exclusive dialogue—you and God.

Why not do what one mom, Nina, did with her teenage daughter, Natalie, and become prayer partners?

Natalie’s teenage years were filled with special moments in which she and her mom knelt together and prayed over Natalie’s struggles and challenges.
Pray together as a couple.

For more than 26 years of marriage we have ended each day in prayer together as a couple.

No spiritual discipline has protected our marriage and our family more than this daily time of communion together with God.

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Find UR Life Purpose thru Service...

By Angela Perkey
Sometimes when we are lost in the day-to-day activities of life and work, we forget there is a part of us that wants to serve and make a difference in the world.

The turbulent economy is a good time to reassess your life purpose and path.

It is also a good time to look for ways to express yourself through service to others.

Some people who are out of work are turning toward volunteer work for new skills, friends, and a way to do something worthwhile.

Many are also finding a renewed purpose in life.

Here are 10 ways that you can discover and live out your unique life purpose.

ASK URSELF THE BIG QUESTION ABOUT LIFE

What should I do with my life? What am I here for?

What should I be when I (finally) grow up?

Although the questions are complex, finding the answers may be surprisingly simple.

If you recognize you have a true desire to serve, volunteer work in the community and a spirit of giving can lead you to an understanding of what you care about, what your natural talents are, and what your life purpose is. It can start you on the path to a new life

FIND WHAT UR PASSIONATE ABOUT!

What do you care about?

What really matters to you?

Oftentimes these things are intimately connected with a personal experience that you have had.
For example, if your mother died prematurely of lung cancer, you might be passionate about finding a cure to this disease or helping women who are in the hospital undergoing treatments.

If there were days when your parents were unsure about how they were going to buy food, you might be particularly moved by the plight of children in danger of going hungry.

The key is to identify the one or two needs you care about most.

Then, begin volunteering to help solve that problem.

DISCOVER UR NATURAL GIFTS

You have been uniquely blessed with a set of talents and natural gifts.

Some of us are skilled with the ability to use our minds to solve complex business problems; others are gifted with the ability to use their hands and bodies to make essential products; others have exceptional artistic skills.

You are individually equipped with all the skills you need to make a meaningful difference.
To live your purpose as fully as possible, use your natural gifts when you serve others.

If you are a naturally-born teacher, you could tutor low-income students who are struggling with basic reading skills.

If you are good at encouraging people, you could visit people who are sick or in nursing homes.

If you love to make jewelry or wood-working crafts, donate your finished works to people who couldn’t otherwise afford them.

DEFINE UR LIFE GOALS & AMBITIONS

What do you want out of life? Understanding what motivates you is essential to enacting an intentional life path that has an impact on others. Define your goals and long-term ambitions, then weave these into your volunteer efforts. The more motivated you are, the more likely you will devote time and resources to serving others.

INTERACT WITH PEOPLE WHO CARE ABOUT THE SAME ISSUES

One of the best things about service is that you get to meet and interact with people in the community who are passionate about the same things that are important to you. These individuals might be completely different than you are in terms of their lifestyle, values, background, or age, but you will share at least one core commonality around which you can unite. By combining your efforts and joining forces, your service will make an even larger impact

TAKE JOY IN UR ABILITIES

We oftentimes take our natural gifts for granted, forgetting that these abilities are, in fact, gifts. Volunteering shows you the power that you possess to make a difference. Take the time to reflect upon and appreciate your individual talents. Take joy in these blessings. When you grasp how much you have been given, you can begin to envision your capacity to give even more to others.

IMPROVE UR SKILLS... IMPROVE URSELF

One of the unexpected benefits of volunteering and serving is that you can refine and even improve upon your natural talents.

This can help you enact your life purpose as effectively as possible, and learning while volunteering keeps service interesting.

BE GRATEFUL FOR WHAT U ALREADY HAVE

Many of us forget how lucky we are and how much support we have. Expressing and feeling gratitude for our material wealth, community relationships, and natural talents comes naturally when you volunteer.
When we reach out to help others, we sometimes realize how our lives have been blessed. When you are aware of all the blessings that you have received, you can understand your true capacity to make a difference. Even if you are not monetarily wealthy, you have countless resources that you can actively use to help others.

DON'T BE AFRAID TO LOVE OTHERS

At the core of living a purposeful life is loving others.

Whether strangers, friends, or family members, you have the ability to change the lives of other people.

By giving to others and loving them, you genuinely have the power to change the world.
Oftentimes, the people who are in the greatest need are those who are not loved.

This even applies to individuals who are wealthy.

No one can buy love, and this is the greatest gift that you can ever give.

Simple actions of service to encourage someone or to show that you care can have a significant impact.

Even if only one person is affected, you will be living your life purpose.

LIVE WITH A SPIRIT OF SERVICE & PURPOSE EVERYDAY

Service is a spirit for living in addition to a set of actions. You live your life purpose every day. It’s not just when you are volunteering at church or the local food bank. It’s every time you interact with anyone. Through your actions, your words, and your smile, you have the capability to either uplift someone or put them down.
Meaningful, purposeful lives are built every moment, not just in isolated times spent volunteering. Whether it’s at work, in traffic, in the line at the grocery store, or at a concert, you have an opportunity to serve and change the world. Your efforts don’t have to be extraordinary, but your life certainly will be.