what if?

So i went to the church i was raised in yesterday.......interesting......am i from this planet?? cause I JUST DON'T Get the whole RELIGIOUS thing....What if we were to leave church and life would end....who knows what happens? i mean we can reference to the bible...but NOBODY knows what happens after death.....isn't it ALL JUST SPECULATION..what one man/woman experience is????

ANYWAY....FEAR of the WHAT IF....WHAT IF I DON'T GO to CHURCH? WHAT IF....I DON'T DO THIS....what if the world comes to an end? will GOD still love me? is HIS love CONDITIONAL? IF not!!!! why be CONTROLLED BY FEAR AND GUILT? the Point continues to cirle me...leaving me confused.....I want to be the Mother that encourages "STEPPING OUTSIDE THAT LITTLE BOX" i want Zion to explore the "thought" of God in an environment filled with LOVE, HOPE, PEACE and Joy....Is that Possible? Being used to function by "what others (suggest, encourage, brain-wash)....I am left sometimes....Baffled....I have come to the conslusion for my daughter's sake....to learn....to grow...to educate...to be open minded....to be silent.....to let go..to TRUST.....Trust that GOD is ever always present......all that other stuff.........is IRRELiVant....